90 days to make a life?

A month or so after moving to Silicon Valley from Canada, I was listening to an excellent This American Life podcast called ‘Let me count the ways’  about the changes to immigration policy under the Trump administration. Stories of immigration are certainly resonating with me right now, and there isn't a day without a headline about the wall, family separations, and travel bans. While these extreme situations mostly serve to provide perspective as I endure my version of corporate-blessed First World immigration trauma, there are nevertheless some themes that seem common to all who uproot and change country.

Top of that list for me would be battling with bureaucracy. 

In the podcast, the reporter Zoe Chace was visiting a refugee resettlement centre in Ohio. These centers are a resource for refugees entering the US  and provide help for everything from getting a driver's license, a bank account, a dentist, to explaining the subtleties of US culture.

Incidentally, the Ohio centre was soon to close its doors for good due to the dramatic fall in refugees entering the US last year. Under Trump the number of refugees has dropped from nearly 85,000 in 2016 under President Obama to just 22,000 in 2018.

Officially, assistance is given to refugees for just ninety days. “Making a whole life in ninety days,” said the reporter with a tone that perfectly combined outrage and incredulity at a system that puts a limit on this service.

I paused the podcast. Ninety days? Ninety days to make a life from scratch. Was that possible? How did our experience compare? We had arrived on August 6^th… at the time I was listening to that podcast it was October 3rd, so we were… 59 days in. I quickly did a mental check through the epic to-do list I’d been working since May when this whole crazy life change really kicked off:

Mr Husband installed in new job - yes (he started work the day after we landed!)

Immigration sorted out (for now).

Canadian life – house, bills, banking, job, taxes, voting all the paperwork was pretty much done to put that life on hold.

New place to live, yes.

Belongings and cat arrived, yes.

Kids registered for and started in school, yes.

Utilities, phones, Internet, yes.

More hours spent at Ikea and Target than I ever thought possible? Yes!

Friends - check, very luckily we had three old friends who lived in the area so we had the beginnings of a social life.
Cars… sort of.

Bank accounts… sort of.

Doctors, dentists, orthodontists, medications… sort of.

From my list that started out with 116 items,  I was down to just 24 to go.

We have moved country twice before so we're not strangers to just how much is involved, but there was a major difference this time. Mr Husband's new company - let's just call them 'TechGiant' provided a package that included access to our own resettlement center of sorts in the form of the impressive TechGiant relocation machine. 

TechGiant provided a relocation ‘overlord’ who then brought forth minions to work with us directly before and during our move. An education consultant advised on school choices. A housing specialist found places for us to rent and set up and then drove us to viewings. Tax consultants and immigration lawyers gave advice, collected and synthesized vast amounts of information about us, and submitted applications. An amazing moving company packed, moved, and unloaded all 11,500 lbs of our stuff. Our cat Pepper was picked up by a company who took him to a special immigration vet for clearance to emigrate, hosted him in a cat hotel in Vancouver before we travelled, flew with him, picked him up in San Jose and delivered him to our new home a few nights after we arrived. 

Mr Husband tells me there are probably even more deluxe relocation packages for high-level TechGiant employees, but this level of support seemed pretty amazing to me! 

Pepper just arrived - he seemed to enjoy his jet-set lifestyle!

The moving truck arrives!

Some of the 11,500 lbs of stuff, stuff, and more stuff.

TechGiant also provided access to a fun website all about 'living in the USA' with a special focus on the Bay Area and Silicon Valley.  Initially, I read this mostly for fun, thinking 'how different can it really be?' As we started to hit road bumps, I began to read the site more seriously. On the fun side, there was a section called 'Behaviors' that had tips such as "Americans say 'please' and 'thank you' a lot" (I wondered if the site for Canada says that "Canadians say 'sorry' a lot"!) Also, "certain topics of conversation are best to avoid, such as politics, religion, sexual orientation, race and weight, since they can invoke strong reactions."  On the 'Bay Area sayings' tab I find that the famous fog that envelops San Francisco is apparently called 'Karl' (I have yet to hear this in use!). I found out fun facts such as that the term 'Silicon Valley' was coined in 1971 by journalist Don Hoefler, but the area used to be called the 'Valley of Heart's Delight'!

On the serious side, there was good advice about banking, health care, and getting all the official paperwork sorted out. Each time I checked the site, I seemed to add five more things to the epic to-do list.

So here's the thing: from Mr Husband first saying 'what do you think about moving to the US for a bit?'  back in mid-April, to that day in October, nearly six months later, but just 59 days after landing in the US, had we pulled it off? With a high level of help from corporate America, had we set up a life in the 90 day timeframe given to refugees?

Well, the reality was that we'd  had a few major mishaps and countless minor muddles but so far we hadn't broken any laws! We were excited and enjoying the novelty, but at times all the newness was deeply exhausting. We'd somehow racked up a ton of debt even though TechGiant had provided a decent moving stipend. One kid was settled and happy, the other was deeply depressed, hating school, and missing everything about Canada. And even with all the help from the relocation consultants, at that point back in October 2018, I have to admit I was completely frustrated with the bureaucracy. Each day felt like it brought a new hurdle.  It felt as though we were being tested and only the few lucky winners would get to stay.

I've come to loathe a particular scene in a certain type of movie where a character (usually American) glibly moves country (usually to Paris).  No sooner than having the idea, the character is happily working in a new job and living in the dream apartment. I just want to scream "Are you freakin' kidding me?" But I guess no one wants to see a movie about standing in lines and filling out forms, which is what you do a lot when you move country.

Filling out another online form... a constant pose for the first few months.

So on that morning in October, as I filled out another form, and prepared to stand in another line, I wondered why the move has felt so arduous.  I've moved country a bunch of times - from the UK to the US, to Canada, back to the UK briefly, back to Canada, and now to the US again. These are all very easy moves - all these countries pretty much speak English and on the surface have minor cultural differences. Plus, our circumstances were about as good as you can get.  We were moving from cushy First World life to cushier First World life, not fleeing war-torn Syria! Yet, this latest move feels very different to the ones before. 

It was beginning to dawn on me that for all our previous moves there was always a sense of the system saying "welcome, great to have you!" 

This time, even with the might of TechGiant behind us, it really does feel as though the US is only grudgingly letting us in. 

I can't imagine what it must feel like for refugees or immigrants with brown skin.

Or perhaps it is just me - I'm too law-abiding and diligent when it comes to the paperwork. I'm taking the anti-immigrant rhetoric from the White House too much to heart when it really isn't aimed at us. Perhaps I need to just ride the wave of my white privilege and trust that everything will work out in the end.

I'm trying to figure out why this move feels so different - and thought writing might help. I first started drafting posts back in October 2018 and finally I'm getting around to tidying them up and publishing! 

A lot has happened in the year since we arrived and while some things in Silicon Valley now seem normal, a lot is still mysterious and befuddling... and at times just plain silly! Hence this blog!